Feature Articles
Specials
Mick The Week - Things not to hear on a Phone In | Mick The Week - Things not to hear on a Phone In |
|
|
| Written by The Lurganites | |
| Friday, 26 March 2010 | |
|
Mick The Week! The latest re-incarnation of our Phone in Gag... it used to be called CurrantBunlines but then Newsnow listened to idiots and decided such words of jovial mocking were an affront to modern sensitivities ( JUST get to the jokes - Ed) Okay, here are the phones-in calls from whats been a very special week. Well special for us, maybe not so special for Mr Mowbray, Mr Venus and Mr Grant. Sob.
Mr Mowbray, everything is fcked up here and the buck stops with those at the top... except us, you're sacked.
The Celtic Board, Parkhead.
The appointment of Mr Mowbray was a dreadful, shocking act of absolute incompetence for which we hold Mr Mowbray entirely responsible - P Lawwell, Kerrydale St Fuhrer Bunker.
Time to hide again for a while
John Reid, Kitten Pies Ltd, Airdrie.
Look Ma, top of the world!
Neil Lennon, Big Chair
Lennons the boss....aw naw!
Aiden, Sidelines
Lennons the boss....OLE! !
Marc Crosas, HappyVille
Mjallby to help in defence, just play him there please dont worry about him coaching!
The Sieve
Farewell Tony Mowbray, you were like one of the family and will be sadly sadly missed
Scottish Media, Alba
Does Mowbray awy mean I'm no the captain anymair, thats pure gash
Skoosh, Ingleston Airport
Lennons a boss before me, s'no fair
Ally McCoist, Gutted
Okay now i get to show Mr Lennon how I dance around the pitch, im sure he will appreciate my style
Sammi, Taxi
Okay, Im gonna rely on players I know, so my defence is Danny Mac, John Clark and Johann Mjallby!
Neil Lennon, Change City
Maybe best we dont let Danny McGrain do the team talks, least get him to put his teeth in first!
Murdo Macleod AdviceLine
'Police are today looking for a Mr T Mowbray. he was last spotted heading south towards the midlands. he was expected to drive striaght south but instead went, east, west, north, east, brown, black, amber,south, east, west, north and then finally up a dark alley. Dont have nightmares'
Nick Ross Crimedesk CSC
Cheerio now, dont cry, what do you mean its tears of joy?
Mark Venus, Taxi
Well at least you cannae point the finger at me anymore, irony eh!
Peter Grant, Job Centre
Three penalties I denied the bstards, and they got a goal chalked off and you still bloody lost! What more do you expect me to do?
D McDonald, Boyne Water Estate, Larkhall.
If Mr McDonald crosses my newest, newest red line then I may think something is amiss, maybe G Spiers, Hack-on-Message, Bucks.
Does anyone know what I'm meant to be doing? Ki Sung-yong, Paisley.
Aye see, Strachan wiznae that bad after aw Tiresome Twat, A Seat Near You, Celtic Park.
Hello Eddie, Dermot here, yeah..we're looking for a new manager, any ideas? Colonel Gaddafi you say? Ok can you give me his phone number? D Desmond, Bermuda.
Hello Mum, its me Kyle, I've got the lead part in a skating musical! Its called Bambi On Ice - Kyle Lafferty, Municipal Orthopedic Hospital, Baku.
Perhaps the Le Grand Armee wasn't quite ready for my invasion of Russia, but I think those soldiers left alive will understand it was for positive reasons and they will appreciate what I was trying to do and look at the positives that came out of this Napoleon, a frozen yurt somewhere near Smolensk.
OK everything is a mess, so we'll have to break the bank to turn things around. John, fetch the spare change piggy bank from the mantelpiece and break it open... this is an emergency D Desmond conference call from the Bahamas.
Right we've appointed four managers during our time, two have been instant disasters and had to be sacked before the season ended. One we gave a huge amount of cash to then took it away while the other was found out by Walter Smith and reduced the team to a burning train wreck. I think we can safely say that our track record on managerial appointments is second to none
D Desmond by carrier pigeon from the Maldives.
OK, here's my masterplan to turn it all around. I'll fly to Asia and sign up anyone I come across thus raising our profile and bringing in huge amounts of cash. It can't fail! P Lawwell, BA Travel Desk.
Celtic are a well run club with a superb financial policy that will ensure present and future success Notice pinned on tree, Fairytale Land.
This is a great move by the board and will ensure a generation of Celtic domination! A Celtic Reich that will last for a thousand thousand years! I feel a song coming on.... Fatherland, Fatherland, show us the sign, your children have waited to see, the morning will come, when the world is mine, tomorrow belongs to me.. all together now Paul67 Celtic Quack News.
Craig Brown tells me the young talent in Scotland is exceptional. If he dies, he dies. Lets all laugh but just dont remind us what happened the last time Celtic got rid of such a bad manager
Rangers fans, Cloud 9 |
Unlike the Murphy's Craig Brown isn't bitter. Goal against Motherwell in the 1-0 victory on Sunday. Courtesy of youtube.
Have a gripe? What to contribute? Fancy anyone on the team (ok that's stretching credulity a bit too far but what the hell its worth a chance)? Have insider knowledge that will shake the very foundations of the entire sport? Know the whereabouts of Dermot Desmond's stony heart? Then contact ETims as we'll be delighted to hear from you.
Drop a mail to This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it .
Twice.
It'll at least stop us having an excuse we never received it...
the one thing which we feel stands this site out from any other online Celtic Fanzine is the quality and variety of our feature articles. no one agenda, no one party line, no plagiarism for the sake of churning out some aul pish, just articles written by Celtic Fans who enjoy writing articles about Celtic, being Celtic and all that entails.
we even offer a right to reply if it annoys you that much.
like it? think you can do better. didn't like it? whatever yer bag - drop us a line to This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it .
NB: please make it coherent billy from brigton. and "Pope" is spelt "P...O..P...E"
ETims has been about for quite a few years now.
It's grown from what was the old Dogs Bollix Scottish Football site to it's current incarnation as ETims.
If you're intrigued as to just what on earth this site you've stumbled into is about, or where it came from CLICK HERE.
You might be pleasantly surprised. Then again you might not. We're a sensitive bunch though so please do let us know your thoughts. Drop us a mail to This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it .
once a month a great thing happens. we actually get the finger out and write something of substance.
well, Kiwi Mick does. and whoever else is remotely reliable at that particular time.
From Player of the Month, to Arse of the Month to, well, whatever else we can think of between now and people start asking questions.
As far as we're aware it's the one thing Nakamura looks for each 月の第31...
E-tims on Facebook!
If you have a Facebook account, or are thinking about signing up, take a saunter along, click on the link below and join the
ETims Online Celtic Fanzine group on Facebook.
Problems with links?? Alright then. Copy and paste the following into your browser and off you go...
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=7436551295.
Open a debate on the discussion board, post videos and photos, leave messages, molest squirrels, yes its all there... save for squirrel molestation which is an optional extra.
| 11.09.2010 | 15.00 |
| Celtic v Hearts |
| 19.09.2010 | 12.15 |
| Killie v Celtic |
| 25.09.2010 | 15.00 |
| Celtic v Hibs |
over the course of the next while we'll be building up a section detailing Celtic Legends from the founding of our club onwards.
Contrary to the official Celtic poll of 2006 Celtic did have some legendary players pre-1996.
they're special. they mean something. some go a lifetime without them.
some crumble under the weight of them. gongs eh?
here we present the best of the best. ETims Awards. CLICK HERE