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ETims Online Celtic Fanzine

Tuesday
Sep 07th
Home arrow Feature Articles arrow Specials arrow Mick The Week - Things not to hear on a Phone In
Mick The Week - Things not to hear on a Phone In Print E-mail
Written by The Lurganites   
Friday, 26 March 2010
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Welcome to...

 Mick The Week!

The latest re-incarnation of our Phone in Gag... it used to be called CurrantBunlines but then Newsnow listened to idiots and decided such words of jovial mocking were an affront to modern sensitivities ( JUST get to the jokes - Ed)

Okay,  here are the phones-in calls from whats been  a very special week. Well special for us, maybe not so special for Mr Mowbray, Mr Venus and Mr Grant. Sob.

 


 

Mr Mowbray, everything is fcked up here and the buck stops with those at the top... except us, you're sacked.
The Celtic Board, Parkhead.

The appointment of Mr Mowbray was a dreadful, shocking act of absolute incompetence for which we hold Mr Mowbray entirely responsible -
P Lawwell, Kerrydale St Fuhrer Bunker.
 
Time to hide again for a while 
John Reid, Kitten Pies Ltd, Airdrie.
 
Look Ma, top of the world!
Neil Lennon, Big Chair
 
Lennons the boss....aw naw!
Aiden, Sidelines
 
Lennons the boss....OLE! !
Marc Crosas, HappyVille
 
Mjallby to help in defence, just play him there please dont worry about him coaching!
The Sieve
 
Farewell Tony Mowbray, you were like one of the family and will be sadly sadly missed
Scottish Media, Alba
 
Does Mowbray awy mean I'm no the captain anymair, thats pure gash
Skoosh, Ingleston Airport
 
Lennons a boss before me, s'no fair
Ally McCoist, Gutted
 
Okay now i get to show Mr Lennon how I dance around the pitch, im sure he will appreciate my style
Sammi, Taxi
 
Okay, Im gonna rely on players I know, so my defence is Danny Mac, John Clark and Johann Mjallby!
Neil Lennon, Change City
 
Maybe best we dont let Danny McGrain do the team talks, least get him to put his teeth in first!
Murdo Macleod AdviceLine
 
'Police are today looking for a Mr T Mowbray. he was last spotted heading south towards the midlands. he was expected to drive striaght south but instead went, east, west, north, east, brown, black, amber,south, east, west, north and then finally up a dark alley. Dont have nightmares'
Nick Ross Crimedesk CSC
 
Cheerio now, dont cry, what do you mean its tears of joy?
Mark Venus, Taxi
 
Well at least you cannae point the finger at me anymore, irony eh!
Peter Grant, Job Centre
 
Three penalties I denied the bstards, and they got a goal chalked off and you still bloody lost!  What more do you expect me to do? 
D McDonald, Boyne Water Estate, Larkhall.

If Mr McDonald crosses my newest, newest red line then I may think something is amiss, maybe 
G Spiers, Hack-on-Message, Bucks.

Does anyone know what I'm meant to be doing? 
Ki Sung-yong, Paisley.

Aye see, Strachan wiznae that bad after aw
Tiresome Twat, A Seat Near You, Celtic Park.

Hello Eddie, Dermot here, yeah..we're looking for a new manager, any ideas? Colonel Gaddafi you say? Ok can you give me his phone number?
 D Desmond, Bermuda.

Hello Mum, its me Kyle, I've got the lead part in a skating musical!  Its called Bambi On Ice -
Kyle Lafferty, Municipal Orthopedic Hospital, Baku.

Perhaps the Le Grand Armee wasn't quite ready for my invasion of  Russia, but I think those soldiers left alive will understand it was for positive reasons and they will appreciate what I was trying to do and look at the positives that came out of this
Napoleon,  a frozen yurt somewhere near Smolensk.

OK everything is a mess, so we'll have to break the bank to turn things around.  John, fetch the spare change piggy bank from the mantelpiece and break it open... this is an emergency
D Desmond conference call from the Bahamas.
Right we've appointed four managers during our time, two have been instant disasters and had to be sacked before the season ended.  One we gave a huge amount of cash to then took it away while the other was found out by Walter Smith and reduced the team to a burning train wreck.  I think we can safely say that our track record on managerial appointments is second to none
D Desmond by carrier pigeon from the Maldives.

OK, here's my masterplan to turn it all around.  I'll fly to Asia and sign up anyone I come across thus raising our profile and bringing in huge amounts of cash. It can't fail!
P Lawwell, BA Travel Desk.

Celtic are a well run club with a superb financial policy that will ensure present and future success
Notice pinned on tree, Fairytale Land.

This is a great move by the board and will ensure a generation of Celtic domination!  A Celtic Reich that will last for a thousand thousand years!  I feel a song coming on.... Fatherland, Fatherland, show us the sign,
your children have waited to see, the morning will come, when the world is mine, tomorrow belongs to me.. all together now
Paul67 Celtic Quack News.

Craig Brown tells me the young talent in Scotland is exceptional.
SGE, Sweden for the time being

Cracked crest anyone?
Media, Alba

What a great piece of work by the board, sacking Mowbray before the end of the tax year is genius.
Paul67, CQN

Lennon's ginger hair is antoganistic. Shame on the CP board for appointing this devil.
Traynor, Buffet Somewhere

If he dies, he dies.
Mjallby Lundgren, Livin' In America / Defence Coach

Lets all laugh but just dont remind us what happened the last time Celtic got rid of such a bad manager
Rangers fans, Cloud 9




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The Monday After Friday International Week Excuse Late Supplement Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for about seven years
Stole many a man's dough and faith

I was 'round when Aiden McGeady
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Spartak
Greased his hands and sealed his fate

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game

I stuck around Florence Italy
When I saw it was a time to grab some change
Sealed the deal with La Viola
The Holy Goalie screamed in vain

Been called a wank
Raided your piggy bank
When the mid-years raged
And the finance stank

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
(woo woo, woo woo)

I watched with glee
While your trades and kings
Sold for millions made
Traded for duds instead
(woo woo, woo woo)

I shouted out,
"Who paid for Robbie Keane?"
When after all
It was you not me
(who who, who who)

Let me please introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for tabloid hacks
Who get briefed before they reached Gallowgate
(woo woo, who who)

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
(who who)
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby
(who who, who who)

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what's confusing you
Is just the nature of my game
(woo woo, who who)

Just as every cost is criminal
But all my bonuses great
As heads is tails
Just call me Peter yeah
'Cause I'm in need of some restraint
(who who, who who)

So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, have some taste
(woo woo)
Use all your well-learned politesse
As I lay this club to waste, mmm yeah
(woo woo, woo woo)

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, mmm yeah
(who who)
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, mmm mean it, get down
(woo woo, woo woo)

Woo, who
Oh yeah, will bring ya down
Oh yeah
Oh yeah!
(woo woo)

Tell me baby, what's my name
Tell me Lenny, can ya guess my game
Tell me baby, what's my name
I tell you one time, you're to blame

Oh, who
woo, woo
Woo, who
Woo, woo
Woo, who, who
Woo, who, who
Oh, yeah

What's my name
Tell me, baby, what's my name
Tell me, sweetie, what's my name

Woo, who, who
Woo, who, who
Woo, who, who
Woo, who, who
Woo, who, who
Woo, who, who
Oh, yeah
Woo woo
Woo woo
Read more...
 
   
Rumour Mill
The Morning After The Night Before Friday Supplement I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour but heaven knows I'm miserable now I was looking for a job, and then I found a job and heaven knows I'm m...
The Forces Of Darkness
Give It Away By Allen Putallo The billionaire entrepreneurial genius Sir David Murray has donated $1.8bn (Zimbabwean) to the Gates Foundation, a charity set-up ...
 
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