Feature Articles The Forces Of Darkness Corporate Speak for Dummies | Corporate Speak for Dummies |
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| Written by Ringo Harrison | |
| Thursday, 17 June 2010 | |
  An interesting day in the corporate world of Sir Minty Moonbeams is translated for those hard of understanding.....“On 26 October 2009, the principal shareholder of The Rangers Football Club plc (the "Club"), Murray International Holdings Limited ("MIH"), advised the board of directors of the Club that it was considering options regarding the controlling shareholding in the Club held by its subsidiary Murray MHL Limited. MIH also advised that this may or may not lead to it disposing of some or all of its majority stake in the Club to a third party.” Having left my paddle at the bottom of the creek, I really could do with getting this heap of garbage out of my portfolio, so, sure in the knowledge that some gullible idiot would come along (preferably on a white charger), I put it up for sale, hoping no one would find any of the skeletons in the cupboard. MIH has received interest in its controlling stake from a number of parties. At this time, however, the board of MIH has not been able to secure an offer which it considers to be in the best interests of the Club, its shareholders and its fans. Nobody would give me the cash. Or maybe they found the skeletons. Following on from the success of winning the 2009/10 SPL title and thereby securing participation in the group stages of the Champions League during 2010/11, the Club recently announced that the football management team had signed new contracts. At the same time the board of directors of the Club announced improvements in its financial position compared to the previous year stating: Still can’t believe we won the league! Woohoo! And Watty was always a sucker for a few quid. At least we managed not to go into administration. Glad no one looked at that stadium valuation. "We believe the outcome of our recent positive discussions with the bank gives us a real platform for operational stability at the Club and we thank Lloyds for their support. We have a clear business plan in place and will continue to maximise efficiencies and endeavour to increase our non-playing income." Lloyds Bank is hoping that they can further rip the arse out of our trousers (that they bought for us in the first place) by bagging the Champions League money. Roll up, roll up, bargains galore at the Govan branch of Pound Stretcher. The board of directors of MIH therefore considers that the interests of stakeholders are presently best served by providing the football management team and board of directors with an opportunity to implement its business plan which is supported by Lloyds Banking Group. In these circumstances, MIH hereby announces that it is no longer actively marketing its controlling stake in the Club for sale. Gutted, no gullible idiots around, bloody due diligence, bloody skeletons, bloody hell, what the hell can we do now? Right, I’m not playing any more. Up yeez. Sir David Murray, erstwhile hero, up to my neck in debt. Chairman, for now Murray International Holdings Limited, for now             |
Over the past two decades, and probably quite a few years further back than that, Celtic have had very few central defenders truly worthy of the jersey. Try as it might the club just hasn't been able to function with two centre halves playing well together for any great length of time. Sure we've had some decent players enjoying the odd very good season – Paul Elliott in 1990/91, Marc Rieper in 1997/98, Bobo Balde in 2001/2002, and Johan Mjallby the following year – but more generally we've struggled to find two operating in unison, with last season's unsettling run of makeshift combinations perhaps providing the sort of nadir not seen since the day Liam Brady thought he just might be onto something by combining the blood and snotters of Mikey Galloway with the youthful exuberance of Mark McNally. 
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