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ETims Friday Supplement: 09 July, 2010

Written by George Dawes
Friday, 09 July 2010
Every day is like Groundhog Day for the Supplement; that said, the Bill Murray obsession is eclipsed only by the love for Andie MacDowell. The beautiful woman with the name of an Ayrshire plumber is one of the Supplement’s favourites from the youthful days of the past. Oh yes, Andie, how wonderful your bramble bush hair is at this time of year. The humidity wreaks havoc with your style but that doesn’t bother the Supplement, not one iota. As for Bill Murray, well let’s just say that we need to make up stuff about how we like him for the sake of getting the 200-word preamble done. An opening that you’ll only skim read any because you want to get to the juicy made-up pish that is the mainstay of the Supplement’s weekly output. It wasn’t meant to be this way. The Supplement could have been a contender you know, instead, every day it scours the toilet cubicles of Europe looking for made-up scrawls of juicy transfer gossip and even the odd nugget about them in order to sate the appetites of the hordes who simply want to be able to say ‘I told you it was made-up pish.’ The solitary solace the Supplement has it that it told you first. Did you skim read the first two paragraphs then? Belittler! Right time to manage that ridicule over MON and Double D meeting up; they were at it again last week, this time at J. P. McManus’ charity golf day. Double D was twirling his moustache and talking to MON in hushed tones. The whole thing smells of hedge-betting and Double D is keen for MON to at least provide and unofficial mentoring role to Lenny. News from Mordor; Kevin Thomson will at last relieve us of the pre-O F* paper rambles about how him and Broonie are best-pals and they’ll hate each other for 90 minutes, etc by upping sticks to Middlesbrough as we know. But surely the ‘Boro fans must be wailing through their gas-masks about whether there are any players who played in the SPL during Strachan’s time who they are not going to sign. McManus and Samaras continue to feature in the Teeside Tabloids. What is it with Turkey this year? Everyone’s going there. Is it because of those awful/amazing (delete as appropriate) all-inclusive deals or is it because of the terrible Euro? Maybe that explains why Rangers have been asking questions in Istanbul The transfer activity is picking up, as well as Cha Du-Ri and Cha Mul-grew, Lenny is looking to tie-up three more players before heading to USA! USA! USA! (muthafxxxer). Joe Ledley will be one of them and there has been a further 64,504,789 players linked with moves to Celtic this week. Let us clear up the mess for you. McGeady is offski (have we mentioned this before?) and Big Ectoplasm is still interested in the Parkhead Slimer, but has been baulking at the £12m fee. Lenny is suggesting £8m plus James McFadden before pointing off to the distance in that McLeish doesn’t notice he is getting robbed. Faddy’s old man is desperate for mercurial talisman to come to Scotland. Spartak’s fax with a £10m offer is being shown to interested parties with a ‘see, I’m no lying’ look on the face of Peter the Suit. Our Danish mol has furnished us with a trio of players who’ve not yet been linked to us in the papers – which suggests exhaustive research on the Supplement’s part but the chance of free booze at a funeral yesterday put paid to any investigation – if they have been in the papers go tell someone who cares. The trio of players are listed in bullet-point fashion so as to try demonstrate some aptitude with the PC: - Gylfi Sigurosson; scored a bundle of goals last year for Reading and also put one past Liverpool, which isn’t really much to boast about last year. £3m is the fee being touted. - Then there is Rasmussen’s old buddy from his Brondby days, Samuel Holmen. Another midfielder, another £3m. - The last is most intriguing; Ghanian bar skelper Asamoah Gyan’s bro Baffour. The striker is available for £400k which sounds more like our price range. He plays in Africa, not to be confused with Toto. The Supplement doesn’t like to spoon-feed so we have left the research on these players to you, dear reader. Effective delegation the Supplement’s wife calls it. Dozy Altidore’s name just keeps popping up. After all, Dominic Cervi’s not going to break the USA! USA! USA! (muthafxxxer) market for us. Is he? Our 3 signings so far are freebies (inc. Ledley). Du-Ri subject to appearances and Mulgrew will be lucky to make one. Then there is the short-term deal or two being pursued for Bullard, Campbell, Keane\Bellamy. Eh, who needs fixed assets anyhow? No-one likes amortisation? Looks like estimated money to be paid out in transfer fees for next season to be Brett Easton-Ellis friendly, esp. if £10m for McGreedy comes in. Come to think about it, JL may not be super-free; watch for a game arranged with Cardiff to help ease the loss, and to help with our interest in a few of their emerging, and emerged, players. Chris Sutton = Forward Consultant. Interesting work taking place behind the Jock Stein stand and moving at some speed: go peek. Like the Supplement, Diomansy Kamara must like the Style Council because it’s going be one long hot summer. Not only does the poor guy hope Fulham can write-off the £6m transfer fee they paid not so long ago to West Brom to allow him to escape BUT he has also been informed by that mythical Celtic insider that his future at Celtic depends on how many 'arse on seats' loan deals Lennon can swing. If 2 out of the desired 3 come then Kamara has to say goodbye to that Paradise dream for next season and Meatloaf will be proven right once again. Which member of the Rangers squad thought he had cracked it when told by a company statesman that 'Getting tickets from Frank for the final won’t be a problem'? The lanky and hapless Supplement regular went and booked flights to South Africa only to be told: a: Watty wouldn’t let him and his 3 mates go b: Frank wasn’t answering his phone c: His flights were non-refundable Look out for a 'he’s got a slight twinge' story in Press next week as he seeks to claim his travel insurance! Now go away. And if referring to itself in the third person annoyed you, the Supplement apologies. Really. Unless you have made-up pish to share don’t bother emailing This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it And if you see any baton twirlers on Monday, remind them that King Billy loved Pineapple Dance Studios. And, a word from our sponsors to finish: “You’ll find a kaleidoscope of colours, textures, sizes and tastes. So there’s sure to be one that’s the perfect fit with your love-lifestyle from the world’s No.1 condom brand.”

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Over the past two decades, and probably quite a few years further back than that, Celtic have had very few central defenders truly worthy of the jersey. Try as it might the club just hasn't been able to function with two centre halves playing well together for any great length of time. Sure we've had some decent players enjoying the odd very good season – Paul Elliott in 1990/91, Marc Rieper in 1997/98, Bobo Balde in 2001/2002, and Johan Mjallby the following year – but more generally we've struggled to find two operating in unison, with last season's unsettling run of makeshift combinations perhaps providing the sort of nadir not seen since the day Liam Brady thought he just might be onto something by combining the blood and snotters of Mikey Galloway with the youthful exuberance of Mark McNally.

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